Day 1 VLOG

my music and advisory class

day turned into darkness

Dec. 16, 2011 (Friday)

It was just another ordinary, getting busy with students' Christmas party and for the Education week presentation. Everyone in school were so hyped for the day's activities without knowing that something big and tragic is about to come. The day was gloomy and cold winds touched my skin. I arrived school early and was quite uneasy already. I felt silence and somewhat something's up. I was busy during the day because of stuff, specifically documents to prepare for. In spite of a busy day, I see smiles and happy faces from the people around me. It was a bit uncomfortable.

Co-teachers and I were getting ready for the upcoming presentation late in the afternoon. We were busy doing make-up and taking pictures before the program starts. It started to rain. We were not expecting the rain to pour down hard.

After a few minutes, we went off to the venue for the program. I felt tensed and even my co-performers were tense on what is going to happen during presentation. We gave our best on our performance even if our music was stopped. It was getting more tense and emotions indescribable. It was still raining but the wind was kinda hitting hard on our umbrellas. After the presentation, my friend and I went ahead to eat dinner.

After having dinner, i went off to go home. It took me a while to find my ride. It was getting more tense and mixed emotions. I arrived home then immediately got dressed for sleep because i just had a very tiring day.


Dec. 17, 2011
around 1-3am

I was uneasy sleeping, awakened by the cry of Johann and the rain outside. I never expected that it was already a typhoon. I still went to sleep, too tired to stand up.

Upon waking up in the morning, i then found out that it was a very tragic morning. disappointing part is that my phone was out and i didn't hear from people outside. When Johann and I went off to the mall, i saw along the streets the mess that the typhoon caused. It was not a normal flood. It was more like a tidal wave that washed off everything on land and even the people in nearby rivers and streams.




..up to this moment, i still can't believe what just happened. Was it for real? all the while i thought it was just a nightmare. How i wish it was all just a dream, a nightmare, a day turned into darkness...

I'm never fallin' in love again

I'm so out of my mind

On the day you left me behind

Leaving me with all the memories

We've shared through the days and years

Words unsaid, tears shed

Yet you still went on without any regret

Do you even know how much you've hurt me

On the day you left, leaving my heart to bleed

We were on the right track

Dreams and plan waiting, so easy for you to break it

Now, I'm giving my heart a break

I'm never fallin' in love again

That's what i told myself

Don't wanna feel the pain you gave me

And the hurt that crushed me

I am moving on, without you by my side

I'm trying to leave our past behind

Now I'm holding on to a dream

I'm looking forward to achieve

No matter how hard you try to tear me down

I'm coming back up staying strong

words by Ms. Jane Paglinawan

Sept. 19, 2011

(during slumber)

Why they call it falling...

Words are not enough

To say what i'm feelin'

On the first day I met you

I told you not to fall in love

Oh, how the days go by

I still can't get you off my chest

Time gave my heart a break

From the moment we met

Don't wanna feel the hurt again

But your name keeps on ringin' in my brain

Is this why they call it falling?

One moment of introduction keeps on repeating

One day at a time of anybody's life

No matter how long, no matter how far

Even two different worlds apart

When it hits you, it hits you hard

Hearts pounding and beating fast

Every time I recall that very day to last

Being alone on my journey, i stood firm and strong

Between Life and love, I surpassed it all

But now you're gone

Leaving me behind with tears falling down from my eyes

Do you really have to make me feel like this

Left me hangin' in a bliss

My LIFE's Checklist

I found a blog on the net while scanning about Life and Music. And i quote these lines, some sort of a checklist, and i'm actually inspired by it.

Here are the lines I'm talking about:

1. Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. (i'm on it...)

2. Take chances. (i am..just that im not there yet..)

3. Tell the truth. (i am, i did...)

4. Date someone totally wrong for you.(well im counting them..)

5. Say no. (hmmm, i guess...)

6. Spend all your cash. (waaaahh!!! always!!...)

7. Fall in love. (..not for now)

8. Get to know someone random. (dats a good idea!..)

9. Be random. (i always am...i guess...)

10. Say I Love You. (..not as of the moment...)

11. Sing out loud. (well of course, im a singer...)

12. Laugh at a stupid joke. (hahhaha!..)

13. Cry. (most of the time..)

14. Get revenge. (gosh! not on my vocabulary...)

15. Apologize. (i do...)

16. Tell someone how much they mean to you. (often...but no one believes it..)

17. Tell the asshole what you feel. (i'm about to...)

18. Let someone know what they're missing. (not my character..)

19. Laugh till your stomach hurts. (harharhar!!!...)

20. LIVE LIFE! (i am and always will..)

*If you can't solve it, it isn't a problem---it's a reality..

>this'll be my checklist from now on..I hope you do too...

Depression...for me...

Depression is a dangerous state of mind to be going through. It’s a state of mind that makes you be filled with sadness. If you are really depressed, you wouldn’t be able to do anything. You’ll just be lying on your bed or couch while you’re mind is attacking you like a weak soldier. There are more than a million things going on in life everyday. Don’t let some double digits of problems affect you. Here are a few ways to recover from depression.

1. Go To Therapy Session

Therapy is more like a confession time. You’re in a room by yourself with one person. Everything you say is not going to leave the room. So you enter that room, let everything out. Don’t hold anything back. And the good thing about it is that someone is there to guide you through it.

2. Exercise Daily or Weekly

Consider exercise a way to remove your anger or sadness. Aim all of your emotions towards equipment like a punching bag. If you are ever in a position where you want to punch someone in the face, grab some boxing gloves and go at it. Picture someone on the bag, and don’t hold yourself back.

3. Write About It In A Journal

The best thing to do is not hold all of your emotions inside. If you have something to get off your chest, write all your feelings down in your journal. Once you start writing, you’ll begin to let everything out. If you’re angry, don’t stop writing and let it all out. Some people tend to stop writing and then find another way to let their anger. That isn’t the write choice. Let everything out until you feel like you’ve everything down.

If you’re sad, sometimes you’ll stop writing. You feel like you don’t want to go deep. The tears are pouring down like a waterfall. You want it all to stop. So the best decision is stop writing and lay on the bed. It’s not the right choice. Once the tears start coming, don’t stop. Let it all out. Once you finish writing that last word, you will feel a whole lot better.

There are so many things to do in life. Don’t let depression stop you from reaching your goal. In America, when people feel down, they get right back up, but even stronger.

"Hold My Heart"

..just sharin this nice song..by Sara Bareilles

"Hold My Heart"

I never meant to be the one to let you down
If anything, I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt

I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies
But the truth is you've been hiding from it too
I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes
Saying everything no words could ever do

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

Is anybody listening?
'Cause I'm crying
Is anybody listening?

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

..like a skyscraper...

It's Aug. 28, 2011 now and i'm writing this post not because i feel like it but i want to pour out what it is bothering me these past few days.

My status: emotionally down, depressed, outburst of emotions

I'm struggling with my emotions right to the extent that I just wanna shout everything. My tears keep on falling and i cant stop it from doing so. It dries up in a matter of seconds but then comes rushing down again. I've been feeling like this for years now and I just didn't have anyone to talk to. It's so hard to be like this, so hard to have a life like mine.

The only comfort that keeps me holding on with this life is MUSIC, w/c not everyone understands. If i were to ask you, what is it in music that comforts you? Would it be your comfort also when stuff like mine happens to you?!

No matter what people are saying about me, no matter how much they judge me, I am changing for the better not because people tells me to. I am gonna stand up, rise up like a skyscraper never gonna let go of what i believe in and how much i believe in myself.

Personal problems

How many issues, hassles, problems do you have to deal with in a normal day?

Research shows, 20 years ago the average was 3.

20 years ago you would have to deal with 3 ‘changes’ to your plans each day. And a ‘change’ can be defined as something that YOU weren’t expecting to happen.

How many do you think the average is today?

5, 10, 20?

29 is the answer.

29!

And when we face those 29 ‘problems’, sometimes we don’t know what to do. So we look on the internet for information and advice.

Could be ‘how to change a leaking tap’ or ‘upgrade the memory on my pc’.

Help people overcome their problems and you are onto a winner.

> this is such an intriguing yet worth remembering blog. why? maybe because everyone can relate to it? were you?

This is what I call LIFE!

There are many things we need to consider before arriving at a certain decision. This has been bothering me for many years now. But life gave me a clearer view of what are the options I need to take a closer look of the situation/s I am into.
I'll take for example the situation I am into right now. I am now a CERTIFIED, LICENSED teacher in the making. But my heart is not completely established with what I have accomplished after a very long time. I can't explain how I've achieved all these in spite of not putting my heart in it. My friend's would say, "that's the irony of life...", a statement I would really react immediately afterwards.

Here is write up I find interesting and worth reflecting...

Life isn’t about keeping score.
It’s not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you’re alone.

It isn’t about who you have kissed,
It isn’t about who your family is or
how much money they have
Or what kind of car you drive.

Or where you are sent to school.
It’s not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
Or what kind of music you listen to.

It’s not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown,
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get how smart you are, how smart
everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you are.

Life just isn’t.

Life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It’s about who you make happy or unhappy purposely.
It’s about keeping or betraying trust.
It’s about friendship, used as a sanctity or as a weapon.

It’s about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
It’s about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It’s about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.

It’s about who you’ve ignored with full control and intention.
It’s about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It’s about carrying inner hate and love,
letting it grow and spreading it.

But most of all, it’s about using your life to touch or poison
other people’s hearts in such a way that could have
never occurred alone.

Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those
choices are what life’s all about.

Today let this rainbow remind your friends and family
of what life is really all about.

Do you "mean" girls?

It has always been a misunderstanding regarding girls attributes like being "mean"... Most guys generalizes that girls do possess such attribute. Well, i can't really say that I'm not mean but I make sure that my being "mean" is in place...i think you know what I mean...hehe! Here is a definition of what "mean girls" practically MEANS...

	1) Girls who are bullies and use "girl agression" (nasty comments, trickery, deceit, excluding people from events, spreading rumors, stealing boyfriends,etc.) to manipulate other girls. They will use text messaging, AIM, email, three-way-calling, and any other weapon at their disposal to acheieve these goals. (coined by Rosalind Wiseman in her book "Queen Bees and Wannabees") These girls are often popular because everyone is either afraid of them or wants to be like them. They tend to have armies of followers ("friends"/wannabees) comprising their clique. However, few people actually like them for who they are. 2) A movie based on Rosalind Wiseman's book "Queen Bees and Wannabees" which takes an intimate look at the inner workings of a high school and the all-powerful girl clique who seem to run it. Starred Lindsey Lohan before she went blonde and possibly anorexic, and therefore was still "hot" (see some other definitions). Very highly watched among the high school population as many girls could actually relate to the story. 1) "Those popular girls are always fighting with each other and manipulating everyone else. They're real Mean Girls." 2) "Yeah, I've seen the movie Mean Girls too. Wasn't it great?"

(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mean+girls)

...please feel free to react in my introductory blog
...ciao!